I’ve recently become a fan of the movie Country Strong. The film is about an emotionally unstable country music star, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, who attempts to resurrect her career.
Over the past few days, I’ve watched the ending of the movie at least fifty times. I’m captivated by the last five minutes for some reason.
Paltrow’s character Kelly Canter faces her demons, and unfortunately in the end she succumbs to them when she overdoses.
In a letter to Beau, who she loved, she quotes Waylon Jennings.
If you see me gettin’ smaller, I’m leavin’ don’t be grievin’
Just got to get away from here, if you see me gettin’ smaller
Don’t worry I’m in no hurry, I’ve got the right to disappear.
I’ve been struggling lately with my online life, and the suffocation I often feel when it comes to social media. Like Facebook.
Part of me wants to share my story and encourage others to be authentic, while other times I simply want to just disappear.
When I decided to relaunch my personal blog, I wanted honesty. The things I write about might feel random, but they are spoken intentionally.
I realize that I’ll always have critics, but I no longer have the desire to wear a mask and pretend that everything is perfect.
Because it’s not. And never will be. I need to be real and talk about that.
Years ago Kurt Cobain said it best.
I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
There are things about my life that make me happy, but I can assure you social media isn’t one of them.
It makes me tired and it’s completely exhausting.
So I’m letting you know that I might be taking a break from it. I don’t know which places, and for how long, but one thing I know for sure …
… I’ve got the right to disappear.